we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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