The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
