I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
