The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
