She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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