just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
