Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
