Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
