dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
