Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
