She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
