where does the pee come out of this thing
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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