I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
