Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
