I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
