Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
