He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
