my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
