there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
