he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
