i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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