WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
