when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
