I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
