At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
