I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
