i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
