nut hugger
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize