i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
