are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My life is pants optional.
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