please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I touched a dick in church today
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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