So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
