The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
