if you like me you must not know who I am
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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