Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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