gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want nice things and good sex
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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