I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
