separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
