We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
