You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
