shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
