and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
