i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
