I'm jealous of your bromance
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
