so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
