u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
