tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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