I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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