Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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