i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
