sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont even know how to be here
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
