What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
