why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
