so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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