why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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