I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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