can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
