can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
