Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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