She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize