I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
