with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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