Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
