You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
