did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His nipple licking is glorious
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
