Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
