where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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