my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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