make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
