I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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