He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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