i just wanna soil my oats bro
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
